For Survivors of Sexual Violence

For Survivors of Sexual Violence

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Trauma Resources

Trauma Resources

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What is a Lapbook Gallery?

Near death for most of 2020, Shay Seaborne CPTSD struggled to effectively communicate their dire condition to trauma-uninformed healthcare providers. Additionally, they lacked exhibition space and opportunities to share their art. Shay devised a creative solution: the Lapbook Gallery.

These exhibitions resemble picture books, which succinctly narrate a trauma story or illustrate neurobiology concepts in 10 paintings. They were inspired by the PechaKucha format, where a presenter shows 20 slides for 20 seconds each. Given their intense nature, Shay realized that 20 images were too many for these narratives. Consequently, they reduced it to 10 paintings per Lapbook Gallery, creating a safer space for viewers to engage with their story.

Read more…

 

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Made With Anger: “Throwing Pods” as safe communal release

viva throwing pods

My friend, Viva, throwing a Throwing Pod

Throwing Pods are a creative and therapeutic tool to release anger in a safe and constructive manner. Recognizing the need for an outlet for strong emotions, Shay Seaborne CPTSD designed these Pods to be thrown with a small group of friends. They offer an avenue for artistic expression and encourage mindfulness and self-awareness.

The Pods are crafted from unfired clay shaped into small vessels, and filled with paint. They are designed to burst on impact when thrown against a canvas laid on the ground, releasing their contents in a visually striking manner. Participants engage in the activity by taking turns to throw the Pods. Each person pauses beforehand to reflect on their emotions and set an intention for the throw. This can range from releasing intense rage to performing a more ceremonial and gentle action.

The physical act of throwing and the subsequent explosion of the Pod provide a powerful release of pent-up anger and frustration. The “POP!” sound and the visual impact of the paint splattering can evoke feelings of power and satisfaction. Additionally, shared participation in the activity can strengthen bonds between participants as they support each other in their emotional expression.

The immediate result of using Throwing Pods is a vivid and unique piece of art created by the collective emotional expressions of the participants. The process often leaves participants feeling lighter and more at peace, having had a safe space to release their emotions. 

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My statement to the USCG officer who sexually assaulted me after a rescue at sea

The statute of limitations protects the Coastie who sexually assaulted me after a rescue at sea. There will be no criminal prosecution for his sexualized violence against a civilian he was charged to protect. However, there is a possibility of some accountability, depending on how serious the CO considers sexualized violence among his ranks. Therefore, I sent the following to the CO with a request that the perp should have to listen to this read aloud by a female superior officer. Whether or not he hears it, I’ve said what I need to say:

“You may have thought you could dominate and control me with your despicable actions the morning of March 2, 2017, but you were sorely mistaken. I write to you with a clarity born of resilience and a fury fueled by betrayal. You committed not only a heinous act of sexualized violence but a profound abuse of power, a violation of trust, and an affront to the very principles upon which the United States Coast Guard claims to stand.

You slammed your misplaced rage onto my body through sexualized violence because you crave your targets’ fear, relishing your ability to manipulate and exploit. You mistook me for your typical target. But, I refuse to be silent. I stand strong with nothing but courage and the unyielding truth: you are a pathetic exploiter, a bully. You are no different from the sexual predators who have harmed me in the past. Your motivations, your tactics, and your cowardice are all cut from the same rotten cloth.

Your reprehensible conduct reveals a disturbing lack of self-control and a depraved indifference to the well-being of others. Your impulse for sexualized violence demonstrates not only a disregard for human decency but also a deep-seated pathology that requires urgent intervention. I implore you to seek professional help, undergo thorough screening for mental health issues, and embark on a journey of rehabilitation before you perpetrate further harm.

In my studies of abusive power and sexualized violence, I’ve learned the motivation is to be temporarily relieved of the effects of one own one’s own experience of exploitation at the hands of those in positions of power. As long as you are planning, executing, and gloating over your sexualized violence conquests, you are putting a Band-Aid on your natural and normal experience of pain through betrayed trust. The abuse of others is like a drug in that it temporarily relieves your internal distress and you need more and more of it to do so. Because like opiates, street drugs, alcohol, workaholicism, or any addiction, it doesn’t address the core issue, only temporarily relieves some symptoms, with blowback.

I have a deep disdain for perpetrators like you, who abuse their positions of power to violate the trust of others, exploiting vulnerabilities for their sick satisfaction. I pity you for the profound disconnect you exhibit from your humanity and from that of those you are sworn to protect. Your actions betray a pattern of cruelty and contempt, likely rooted in your own experiences of exploitation and abuse. You are less powerful than you think; to threaten me, you had to ensure I was broadsided in a highly disadvantaged position. But to threaten you, all I had to do was tell the truth.

I harbor no illusions about the systemic failures that shield perpetrators like you from accountability. The very system designed to protect civilians and uphold justice has failed me, has failed countless others, and will continue to fail. However, I wield the tools at my disposal—my words, courage, and determination—to expose your deeds, demand accountability, and challenge the structures of power that enable perpetrators like you.

Though legal recourse is unavailable due to the statute of limitations, administrative remedies remain. Speaking the truth, I reclaim my agency and power, one defiant word at a time as I utilize every available avenue to demand accountability and expose your crimes. Your days of preying on the vulnerable may have escaped legal consequences, but your legacy shall forever carry the stench of shame and disgrace.

Your power is not genuine; it’s rooted in greed and a lust for control, all born of dysfunction. The distinction between us is clear: I possess the power to enact change, while yours is fleeting, illusory, and comes back to bite you. By holding you accountable, I reclaim my power. It may not dismantle the system, but it reshapes the dynamic between us.

You made a grave mistake in sexually assaulting me and underestimating my capacity to respond. Your foolishness now comes full circle. Blowback was inevitable. May you long enjoy.”

 

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Interpersonal Neurobiology, a compelling framework for trauma and stress recovery

Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) is a compelling framework for trauma and chronic stress recovery due to its emphasis on:

  1. Integration of Brain, Mind, and Relationships: IPNB recognizes the interconnectedness of brain, mind, and relationships, promoting a holistic approach to healing by addressing cognitive, emotional, neurophysiological, and relational aspects of trauma.

  2. Neuroplasticity: The framework acknowledges the brain’s capacity to change and adapt, offering hope for recovery through interventions that foster positive neural patterning and the formation of new, healthier pathways.

  3. Social Connection: IPNB underscores the importance of relationships in healing, highlighting the impact of positive social interactions on brain functioning. Building supportive connections can contribute significantly to recovery.

  4. Mindfulness and Presence: The emphasis on mindfulness practices within IPNB encourages individuals to stay present in the moment, fostering self-awareness and helping to regulate the nervous system, a crucial aspect of trauma recovery.

  5. Attachment Theory: IPNB incorporates insights from attachment theory, recognizing the significance of secure attachments in early life and their ongoing impact on emotional regulation and resilience throughout one’s lifespan.

  6. Emotional Regulation: The framework provides tools for understanding and regulating emotions through regulation of the internal state, empowering individuals to develop healthy coping mechanisms and responses to stressors.

  7. Narrative Integration: IPNB incorporates the power of storytelling and narrative in the healing process, allowing individuals to make sense of their experiences and reshape their personal narratives in a more empowering way.

  8. Cultural Sensitivity: IPNB acknowledges the cultural context of an individual’s experiences, providing a flexible and inclusive framework that can be adapted to various cultural backgrounds and belief systems.

The interdisciplinary nature of Interpersonal Neurobiology, combining neuroscience, psychology, and social sciences, makes it a comprehensive and effective framework for navigating the complexities of trauma and chronic stress recovery.

Posted in Education, Healthcare, Interpersonal Neurobiology, Mental Health, Nervous System, Neuroscience, Thriving | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“What do I do with my anger and rage?”

In our culture, we’re taught to not be angry, to calm down, and to “overcome” our anger, the emotion that alerts us to violations. Cruelty and contempt from caregivers is a serious violation. It’s no wonder survivors of severe abuse often ask “What do I do with my anger and rage?” They are barraged by the false assertion that is that anger is bad for us, we shouldn’t express it, and we should try to make it go away, especially by repression. That can put us on a hamster wheel of helpless rage and outrage. This is why it is important to bring anger and rage into the physical realm through meaningful action. There are infinite ways to express them that aren’t harmful to anybody and that an abuser doesn’t even have to know about. 

Rituals and ceremonies can be powerfully transformative. I buried “the father of my dreams” in a mock funeral in the rain. It wasn’t so much an expression of rage but the hurt and the disappointment. The effect was profound. 

I also duplicated a photo of my father that showed his meanness. I printed out 15 copies on one piece of paper in black and white. I cut them out and tossed one image into the toilet before each use. There’s something satisfying about pissing on your abusive dad and flushing him. It didn’t truly dispose of him or make him stop being a Dark Tetrad, but it helped solidify in me a change in the field between us because it changed my affect toward him. And so in that way, it was effective. 

One year, I sent out a crappy birthday card to him and another to my abductor. I found my abductor’s father’s address and mailed it to him there. The cards for my perps were similar. Each said, “On your birthday…” on the front with a cartoon dog with balloons and other festive elements. Inside it said, “I hope you remember all the horrible abuse you perpetrated against me and take all the responsibility. I hope you have a crappy birthday!” 

I printed the words shame, blame, and responsibility on a piece of paper, cut them out individually, and put them inside the cards. I intended them to fall out like confetti when they opened the card. I imagined my father getting his and opening it in his kitchen, where the floor was cheap vinyl that had super static cling. A tiny piece of paper would be hard to pick up. I imagined him having to pick them up and being pissed off that he had to clean up the mess. I even had a friend mail it from another state with the address in her handwriting so he’d have no clue who sent it or what might be inside.

A few years ago I tied a string around my wrist twice with two knots, one for each of my dark personality parents. I held a little ceremony in which I cut the strings off and burned them as I spoke about my parents and the relationships. It was empowering.

My childhood was a boot camp run by monsters, so for me, fighting back as a Trauma Awareness Activist-Artist and Relational Neuroscience educator is part of healing. I strive to transmute the rage of generations of abused children into a force for positive change. Pow! 

I highly recommend having a temper tantrum and tearing up phone books that someone else has agreed to clean up. Other ways to express anger and rage: art, poetry, satire, comics, dance, drumming, music, and other physical acts speak to us at the somatic level. You might have a naked dance in the moonlight and burn something to free yourself or express your rage and he’s not gonna know about it, but it’s gonna feel mighty good to you. 

If you’re repeatedly unheard, that’s a kind of shaming and a kind of denial of your lived experience. You need to find an appropriate way to “protest,” or speak your truth. If your protest is heard and responded to you don’t continue to feel angry and that rage is like the fermented anger that it’s been bubbling in. Expressing it through mindful acts can be a way to be heard, especially if you invite trusted individuals to participate.

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Physician reviews as justice

sex misconduct by ob gyn physiciansPosting a review of a bad healthcare experience is one of the very few options for neglected and abused service users to create accountability.

The healthcare system is woefully lacking in safety and accountability mechanisms to the extent it offers layers of protection to heinous abusers like Earl Bradley and Larry Nassar, so they can continue to harm innocent and vulnerable people for years or decades despite ongoing complaints.

By suppressing vital information about abusers and allowing them to continue their abuses, hospitals essentially feed victims to perpetrators. They are aided by the tendency of licensing boards to also do nothing.

This is “healthcare” in America and the “justice” system doesn’t care. We shouldn’t have to “hope the next one is better,” as a Delaware deputy attorney general advised as the best way to “protect” oneself from potential harm from other malignants in white coats, safeguarded by silence and backed by huge corporate resources.

But this is what corporatized America gives us, which is one of the reasons that telling the truth of my lived experience is the only justice I have known.

A provider might be able to have the negative review removed, as I’ve seen with my review of one abuser in a white coat. But before they do, they will certainly see it, and perhaps others will, too–and be steered away from bad players.

I did what I could do, and it feels empowering to put the truth out there, where at least someone might find it. I will not be complicit through silence and I will not be silenced.

#TraumaAwareAmerica #patientreviews #accountability #justice #DAG #Delaware #DOJ #newarkde  #badmedicine #PatientSafety #harmreduction #truth #onlinereviews

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Physician empathy is a powerful healthcare intervention

Empathy not optionalAs a trauma survivor who has studied Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) for five years, I have learned that empathy is vital to human well-being, especially after trauma, and that, neurophysiologically, I need empathy. It helps integrate the brain, which helps the brain and nervous system to function better, which reduces chronic symptoms.

Four days ago I gave my pain specialist the gist of what I wrote below. He listened attentively, and immediately created an opportunity for me to share a little about the FGM betrayal trauma, which so deeply affects every aspect of my life.

My doctor, who naturally expresses empathy, came through. His face and eyes softened as he reflected on what it must be like for me and how challenging it is to deal with unauthorized permanent changes to my body. It was such a relatively big dose of empathy that I could not take it all in at once. I needed to titrate it over days. My system is unused to such empathy from anyone, especially doctors. Yet, their empathy is potentiated by their status, which, to our nervous systems, makes them alloparents, substitute parents.

By the time I saw my pain specialist, I had been in bad condition for 5 days. My symptoms were up, I was sleeping poorly, had little energy, and just wanted to quit life. But his dose of empathy was even more potent than I expected. Since that appointment on Tuesday afternoon, my pain levels have been lower, I’ve slept better, and my mood has lifted. I feel able to engage more with life and have hope for improvement once again.

My doctor’s empathy is a powerful intervention. I intend to keep asking for it, and help all my healthcare practitioners to grow their understanding of the great importance of empathy as an intervention that improves patient outcomes and reduces physician burnout, while also positively affecting the bottom line. Win-win-win! It seems like magic, but it’s Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB). We are the healing wave.

“Need Your Help with Brain Integration- Trauma damages the nervous system and disrupts brain integration. Safety serves as therapy, but finding it in a culture where the powerful exploit the vulnerable for dominance and acquisition is daunting. Safety, necessitating both the absence of threat and the presence of connection, is greatly absent in my life due to medical and psychiatric abuse following my plea for help with severe complex PTSD from extreme developmental trauma.

“Lacking essential connections for basic functioning, a harmonized brain, and a regulated nervous system, all disrupted by medical abuses, I rely on my physicians to aid in brain integration for a chance at achieving homeostasis before it’s too late.

“Safety is the therapy. Connection is safety, and empathy is the safest connection. I need a lot of kindness, compassion, understanding, and empathy from everyone. Especially empathy. Especially from my doctors. Especially from my male doctors. This is what my nervous system tells me in multiple ways.

“I need 40 seconds of compassion and 10 seconds of empathy in every appointment with any healthcare practitioner, along with the Patel Pause during consultations and twice during procedures. Seeking approximately a million instances of this support.

“This ‘Treat Me Well’ intervention is integral to my neuroscience-based, somatically-oriented dynamic healing framework, particularly within the Exposure Therapy aspect of the Medical PTSD (MPTSD) treatment plan. This approach replaces old, negative memories of negligent, abusive, and malicious healthcare encounters with new positive experiences, fostering healing one compassionate and empathetic visit at a time.

“Resolving Medical PTSD Requres Making a Safe Space in Medicine- Studying interpersonal neurobiology has underscored the crucial role all my providers play in addressing Medical PTSD. The focus is on altering my brain’s predictive coding, a task lacking established protocols in a system overlooking MPTSD. Safety in the medical environment is the only remedy, achieved by enhancing my ability to communicate needs, set boundaries, and secure the necessary Empathy Level care for my nervous system. Building relationships and trust become pivotal for healing, requiring providers who understand and connect. These connections aim to support my nervous system in reclaiming the safety and agency stolen by psychiatric and surgical abuses.”

#TraumaAwareAmerica #doctors #HealthcareExcellence #healthcare #medicine #physicianempathy #interpersonalneurobiology #Empathy #ptsdrecovery #brainhealth

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