Can’t we just run away from our trauma?

Can’t we just ignore or run away from our trauma?

I tried! I quit my whole other life. Fledged my young adult children, sold and gave away my stuff, fixed up the house, sold it out a major loss, and went off to live my lifelong dream of sailing tall ships. 💕

It was fabulous for about two and a half years. I sailed over 7,000 MI aboard a of vessels large and small, and voyaged on the ocean for as long as 12 days. ⛵

But the trauma caught up with me. My symptoms became unmanageable. Shipboard life makes heavy physical demands and I could no longer handle the pain.

I decided to get a small apartment and sail part-time instead of live-aboard. I settled in Delaware to be near “me beautiful and magical ship,” KALMAR NYCKEL, a recreation of a 17th-century armed merchant vessel from Sweden.

My Delaware residency made me eligible for mental health insurance for the first time. I thought it meant I would finally have access to consistent help with recovery from severe Complex PTSD.

But the moment I walked into the facility operated by the mega-hospital I was sucked into a trauma machine! They put me on a Black Box medication, did not follow the recommended safety protocol, ignored my complaints that the Lexapro was giving me SI, and neglected to refer me to a provider who could offer the appropriate level of care.

Thanks to the “standard treatment,” which ignores the neurobiology of trauma in favor of supporting Big Pharma, in 5 weeks I went from being distressed to experiencing intense suicidal ideations. Delaware has no Before Stage 4 mechanism so I was funneled to the psych ER and from there to the Cuckoo’s Nest. I spent 8 medically unnecessary days and nights being warehoused, drugged, and retraumatized. 😡

Since then the so-called healthcare system has destroyed my health so much I can never crew aboard a tall ship again. So here I am, digging my way out by learning the neurobiology of trauma, applying it to build a healing framework for myself, and hoping to help others find their way more easily.

Yes, running away from our trauma can be wonderful! But it doesn’t resolve the trauma.
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