Open letter to Delaware Division of Professional Regulation

A medical procedure begins with consent. Without consent, it is not medical treatment. It is abuse.

The state police said the licensing board determines whether the surgeon’s non-consensual cutting of my genitals was a crime or medicine. A medical procedure begins with consent. Without consent, it is not medical treatment. It is abuse. Cutting a person without consent is assault. Cutting a person’s genitals without consent is genital mutilation. 

Surgical violation of my genitals compounds the impact of the sex abuse I endured as a child. The surgeon knew I was particularly vulnerable and purposely exploited that. A real doctor would be extra careful and kind with a patient like me. A caring doctor would have made choices to support my health and well-being. The surgeon premeditatively chose the opposite. He intended to cause harm, and he did nearly destroy me. I struggled to keep going, but I knew in my bones he was a serial offender and I could prove it if I could only lay it out with great clarity. 

My complaint document is the culmination of almost 3 years of effort. Each time I felt overwhelmed by grief or rage I took one tiny step toward reporting him. I looked up an agency and saved the address one day, read a bit of state law the next, and wrote a paragraph on yet another. I also searched for articles, asked advisors for support and feedback, and parsed my records and interactions with the surgeon and staff. In addition, I spoke about the trauma of the non-consensual surgery with every provider I visited. Each of them expressed that it should not have happened. 

An ethical medical professional highly values consent. They would never degrade a patient who had an issue with lack of consent. The surgeon showed contempt for my agency and my concerns. Contempt is the antithesis of medicine. 

The surgeon’s contemptuous act executed unwanted permanent changes to the most intimate part of my body. This has deeply affected all areas of my life. Due to the Medical PTSD sparked by the surgeon’s massive betrayal, I cannot undergo necessary major surgery and may never be able to. My activities are greatly restricted and my physical capacities are significantly reduced. I am in near-constant pain and frequently feel disturbing sensations in my core. I experience chronic distress. To regain my previous way of life is impossible. I must live with the heavy negative effects for the rest of my days. 

If anyone on the board believes what the surgeon did to me, and however many other women, is okay, that this is medicine, then God save their soul. 

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2 Responses to Open letter to Delaware Division of Professional Regulation

  1. Justice Honestly says:

    I’m soooo proud of you!! I needed to hear that soon bad. Well, not your horrific and crippling betrayal by someone who abused their authority and public trust, but that you kept trying, little by little, one paragraph at a time. I think of doing that everyday. And everyday, I have less time and I think less credibility, because VERY FEW people are fluent in trauma and the diversity and disability of it. Even Doctors and Psychologists. I have yet to find a good counselor that I don’t either overwhelm or find myself educating them on EMDR, Vagus nerve, agoraphobia, the crippling and disabling and dis association that happens when I even think of trying to get justice. What are the statute of limitations for seeking justice against a person who was supposed to help you, it was their Job to help you and you trusted them completely, only to be betrayed and totally sucker punched, did not see that coming and It really almost broke me. It did break me
    I miss me. But that’s the thing about trauma and healing you heal into somebody else. A completely new person, not even because you want to, but because who you were you could no longer survive as. The collusion of community partners and other state employees and even my own payee all colluded together and I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say all this. I just read your story I’m just so proud of you I’m so proud of you for not quitting and not giving up. And reporting him and it took you 3 years I am at two and a half years right now and I’m afraid the statutes are going to run out. But then I think because of covid maybe they would be extended I don’t know but nobody will give me answers. And it it just knocked the life out of me you know I I’m not as strong as I was. I’m not as confident. I’m not I don’t trust anybody and I don’t trust myself I don’t trust my own decisions. And it’s a really scary way to live. Maybe because of your story, maybe I’ll try again tomorrow today today’s my birthday. March 23rd. Thank you. Thank you for wonderful birthday present. I’m so glad I came across your site today.

  2. Shay says:

    Thank you very much for your thoughtful, vulnerable, comprehensive, and kind reply! I’m delighted to know you found some inspiration here and I hope you were able to move forward in ways that support your agency and recovery.

    Yes, very few in the medical and behavioral health field know anything about trauma, and too many of them don’t even understand their own.

    The system is set up against accountability, justice, and our recovery. But that doesn’t mean we have no power. Our words, wits, and courage are potent tools for taking back our power.

    The field of Betrayal Trauma explains why what happened to us is SO AWFUL. “Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person’ s trust or well-being: Childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse perpetrated by a caregiver are examples of betrayal trauma.” Here’s more on that topic: Add to it the institutional trauma, “the institutional action and inaction that can worsen the impact of traumatic experience” and it’s like blow after blow, with no respite.

    Fortunately, the scientific field of Interpersonal Neurobiology shows we are made to help ourselves and each other heal, so we don’t have to hold our breaths waiting for psychology and medicine to save us. We are the healing wave.

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