People don’t “attract” abusers relationally or karmically

Some have tried to convince me that my experiences of cruelty and contempt have to do with karma, “laws of attraction,” or some other subconscious or spiritual desire or need on my part for a Kozmick Lessin of some kind. This is bunk!

I have not “attracted” the cruelty and contempt I endured. Rather, I tolerated them because my early environment taught me and built my neural pathways to tolerate awful things. I didn’t know the difference because I didn’t have the experience of the good things. Naturally, this had a great influence in adulthood.

For instance, I worked for a heavy construction company for 3-1/4 years. People who had a healthy childhood environment would not have even taken that job. They would have certainly left after or even during the federal workplace raid. But I didn’t quit. Certainly, a big part was the failing economy, sexism, ageism, and the lack of opportunities for someone who had spent adolescence and early adulthood struggling so hard to survive that she couldn’t focus on study. I saw wages go down and requirements go up, and I no longer qualified for the job I previously had.

But I also stayed because the highly abusive environment was familiar. Others would have run, and rightly so! But it was like working with my mother, father, or abductor. Familiar. So I couldn’t recognize the depth of their insanity and the extent to which it harmed me.
I don’t “attract” predators narcissists and dark personality types, though I understand they do recognize me as a potential target. They look for nice people and hone their crosshairs on those who are also compliant and vulnerable.

I did not “attract” my abductor in adolescence, nor did I need to learn any lessons about systematic suffocation torture to make my soul complete. The predatory man took advantage of a convenient vulnerable child who was effectively groomed for him by her parents and society. It’s not my vibration, karma, or some kind of cosmic connection. It was a predator doing what predators do. He would have done it to anyone in my place.

Do I currently make choices rooted in my trauma? Of course! My capacity to make choices is affected by the changes trauma made in the architecture of my brain. Systematic suffocation torture generally affects a person for the rest of their life, especially in a culture that tells them they somehow had something to do with making it happen. Furthermore, our culture leaves the victim to figure out for themselves how to survive and recover.

Nor did I choose or need a lesson from the recent non-consensual surgery on my genitals. It is not my karma, it’s just what some monster did to me because I was available and he thought I was like his other victims, incapable of fighting back. Oh, yes, and the hospital had let him do what he wanted despite complaints.

Layers of protection for predators who wear white coats allow them to get away with their crimes for years or decades before they are stopped. Most likely you won’t know if yours is one until it’s too late. Then there won’t be a whole lot you can do about it.

Our cruel and contemptuous culture is the real source of the f***** up s*** that happens to us. Trauma and PTSD are about our environment. Our mainstream culture is a highly neuro-negative environment for human beings and other living things.

Let’s focus on holding responsible those who are actually responsible, hey? If we did that there be a whole lot fewer innocent people wrestling with how they supposedly brought upon themselves their experience of cruelty and contempt and a lot fewer malignants in positions of power. Wouldn’t that be nice?

#TraumaAwareAmerica #karma #LawOfAttraction #predators #victimblaming #NewAgeBS #NewAge

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One Response to People don’t “attract” abusers relationally or karmically

  1. KS says:

    This is so great and so true. We live in such a pseduo-spiritual victim-blaming culture. The law of attraction crap is just the newest disguise for the misogyny/racism/other societal isms that have always assigned the victim responsibility for abuse. “Blaming others” is often considered a sign of psych pathology. I think blaming others or externalizing blame is what happens when victims come into their own power and realize it really was never their fault – and therapists are quick to correct them by pathologizing the appropriate externalization of responsibility. Hence even therapists participate in the victim blaming. The entire culture is built around elevating perpetrators (disproportionally male/white) and keeping victims silent and ashamed.

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